Episode 19: Cruise Control

Over the next two weeks, everything ran together. I went through the motions like a mindless zombie. I went to work and then straight home, transitioning from one activity to another without even realizing it. No Stratler’s. No anything. Everything was a blur. It was almost as if I was set on cruise control. My friends would call me and ask me to go out and do things, but I made excuse after excuse as to why I could not go with them. I wanted to, but I just could not gather the will to do so. I was still in...shock I guess is the best word to describe my current state. Yeah, I was in shock. Besides, I did not want to take the chance of seeing her.

Stacy had tried to call me a hand full of times over the last two weeks, but when she did, I hit the ignore button on my phone. I couldn’t even begin to think about what she had done to me without beginning to grow angry. I cannot decide it is just me or that it is not right what Stacy did to me. Maybe I was overreacting. I mean, the girl that I have been in love with since we were kids felt the same was about me and all I could do was be angry at her. I even attempted to call her a few times, but I found myself unable to hit the call button. Every time I tried, I would start to think about how heartbroken I was the times I tried to confess my love for her and she shot me down knowing full well that she felt the same way. Then anger would set back in.

You just don’t do that to someone, especially someone that you supposedly love.

It was early in the evening on Friday when John and Tiffany arrived at Joel’s apartment building. Already knowing the code for the front door, John keyed it in and pulled the door open, allowing Tiffany to traverse the doorway first. The pair walked across the lobby and entered the elevator, riding it up to Joel’s floor.

“How is he doing?” asked Tiffany of John.

“He sounds about the same,” replied John, watching the lights above the door light up as the elevator continued its ascent, “lost.”

“Poor thing,” said Tiffany, shaking her head.

Upon stopping, and the elevator bell ringing, the two doors slid apart and John and Tiffany exited, walking down the hall to Joel’s door. When the two of them had reached Joel’s door, John knocked. No answer. John waited a few moments and then knocked again; still no answer.

“Well, I know he is here,” said John, looking over at Tiffany with a confused look on his face. “I just talked to him.”

“Maybe he stepped out,” replied Tiffany.

“No,” said John, “he said he wasn’t going anywhere.”

Tiffany returned John’s confused look and reached out, grabbing the doorknob. She turned it and much to the delight of both of them, the door was unlocked. Pushing the door open, John led Tiffany in the light-deprived apartment.

The only light in the apartment was the few rays of the sun that snuck in through the closed blinds. Upon flipping the light switch, John and Tiffany found that Joel’s apartment was a mess. There were clothes lying all over the floor along with empty beer cans and pizza boxes. In the kitchen, a full bag of trash sat next to an overflowing trash can. Dirty dishes filled the sink and the surrounding counter.

“Joel?” asked John as he crept into the living room while looking around and stepping over the mess on the floor.

John and Tiffany’s attention was then quickly drawn toward the couch, in which a bundle of blankets was piled, as they heard a groan. The two of them furrowed their brows as the pile of blankets began to move. A hand, then an arm emerged from beneath the blankets, reaching upward as if it had been buried for days. The arm swung toward the front of the couch, knocking away enough of the blankets to uncover Joel’s torso. Rubbing his eyes, Joel opened them to see his two friends standing in his living room.

“Hey guys,” said Joel as he sat up.

“Good Lord,” said John upon seeing Joel.

Joel had obviously not shaved in a while as he had accrued a pretty thick beard in the process.

“You look like Grizzly Adams,” said John.

Joel was confused for a moment before realizing that John had not seen him in his current state. “Oh yeah,” he said, reaching up and rubbing his beard. “You like it?”

“No, not really,” replied John, who immediately winced as Tiffany’s hand flew over and struck his shoulder. “What?” he asked, looking down at Tiffany, “He asked.”

Tiffany rolled her eyes as she looked at Joel; pity had a stronghold on her face. “How are you doing, Joel?” she asked.

“Same ole, same ole,” replied Joel as he laid back down.

“Nice place,” said John sarcastically as he kicked a pizza box from in front of his feet.

“Be nice,” said Tiffany as she knelt down and began to pick up things off of the floor. She then went into the kitchen and opened a cabinet door located under the sink and grabbed a garbage bag. She dropped the few items she had in her hands into the bag, then began to pick up more.

“You don’t have to do that,” said Joel.

“Well somebody needs to,” said John.

“I was going to get it,” replied Joel. “What time is it?”

“Seven-thirty,” answered Tiffany.

John walked over to the couch and sat down on Joel’s legs, forcing him to sit up. “We are going out tonight and you are coming,” he said.

“Who’s we?” asked Joel, considering the invitation.

“You, me, Tiffany, and Brian,” answered John.

“Where’s-,” started Joel before being interrupted by John.

“Stacy and Lauren are going to a movie.”

“We aren’t taking no for an answer,” said Tiffany, who was loading the dishwasher.

“That’s right,” said John. “So that means that you are coming.”

Joel looked over at Tiffany and then back at John, who both knew that he was going to agree and that they were going to pull him out of his funk, but then Joel said something completely different. “No thanks.”

It was nice of them to come over and check on me, but I just wasn’t ready to go out.

“Oh, come on!” said John emphatically. “Are you just going to lie around and mope for the rest of your life!?”

Joel looked over at John and shrugged his shoulders.

“Fine,” said John angrily. “Come on Tiffany, we are leaving.”

John got up off of the couch and exited Joel’s apartment. Tiffany finished loading the dishwasher and turned it on. She walked toward the door, but stopped before reaching it and turned. “Bye Joel,” she said. She then gave Joel a sympathetic smile before turning and leaving, closing the door behind her.

Joel grimaced as he looked at the door and nodded.

I did not blame John for being angry. I guess I would be frustrated too. Now I feel bad. All they were trying to do was help. I guess you can’t help someone who doesn’t want it. Then it hit me; when did I become that type of person? Realizing that should have made me get up off of that couch and do something about it, but all it did was add to my misery. So, I did what I had been doing for the last two weeks; I got up, locked the door, got a beer, sat back down on the couch, turned the tv on, and drank myself to sleep.

* * *

Early on Saturday afternoon, Joel was awakened by a pounding on his door. He pushed through his cocoon of blankets and made his way to his feet. Stumbling over to the door, he turned the deadbolt and swung the door open. A surprised look came over his face when he saw who it was standing there.

“Jack?” he asked as he stood there wide-eyed.

Jack smiled and shrugged, holding his hands out to his side with his palms upward. “The one and only.”

John reached out and embraced his friend. “When did you get back?” he asked, letting go of Jack and taking a step back.

“Late last night,” answered Jack. He then followed Joel into his apartment. “Have you turned against cleaning?” he asked, looking around at Joel’s mess.

“It’s, uh, been a long couple of weeks,” said Joel with a sigh.

“You missed me so much that you fell into a depression?” joked Jack. “I don’t know what to say. It means a lot to me that you missed me that much.”

Joel let a slight chuckle escape him. “Yeah, something like that,” he said as he sat down on his couch.

“Actually,” said Jack, “Brian filled me in on what has been going on since I left.”

Joel said nothing. Instead, he just pressed his lips together, forming a straight line, and nodded. Before Jack could say anything else, Joel said, “So they sent you in to save the day.” He paused for a moment before continuing. “I’m glad that you stopped by and I’m definitely glad that you are back, but I do not need to be saved, Jack.”

“I know,” said Jack, “but I also know that this isn’t you. You have never been the one to throw in the towel just because of one setback, especially when it comes to Stacy.”

“Thanks for stopping by, Jack,” said Joel.

“Alright, I get it,” said Jack. “You want to be alone.”

“Bingo,” replied Joel.

“Ok,” said Jack. “Well, let me know when you are ready to go out because there is someone that I want you to meet.”

Joel looked at Jack curiously.

“Remember the girl I told you about from Michigan?” asked Jack.

Joel nodded.

“Well, she decided to move here,” said Jack. “She is staying with me until she can find a place.”

“Really?” asked Joel.

“Yeah,” answered Jack. “She is downstairs taking a nap before we go out tonight. I wanted everyone to meet her, so if you want to come, just let me know.”

Joel nodded as Jack turned and headed for the door. Just before Jack exited, Joel stopped him by saying, “I’ll be there.”

Jack turned and smiled. “Good,” he said before leaving, closing the door behind him.

It was right then that I knew that I was going to come out of this. Jack was right; I’m not a quitter and this isn’t me. I have been through this before, but the only difference this time was that I now I know how Stacy feels about me. It is time to put everything aside and finally be with her. I was not sure what the rest of the night held in store for me, but I was sure about one thing... it was time to go get Stacy.