Episode 18: Numb

Well it has been two weeks since the incident with Joel and Dustin at Stanky’s and Joel has pretty much stuck to his word. It has actually worked out really well for the rest of us because when Joel is with us, Dustin does not come around. That, and Dustin has been working a lot lately, so he hasn’t been joining us on our nightly trips to Stratler’s.

I think that Brian has enjoyed being away from Dustin the most. The poor guy has to live with Dustin, so he automatically has the sympathy of everyone. Lately though, he has been on cloud nine and very appreciative to Joel, though Joel plays it off like it isn’t that big of a deal. All in all, things have been great except for one thing.

Joel’s new girlfriend, Amber.

Joel and Amber have been out a few times over the last two weeks and judging by Joel, things are going good so far. He brought her to Stratler’s to meet us a few nights ago and as much as I wanted to like her, I just couldn’t. I couldn’t help it. She is with my guy. Hmph, I say my guy like I ever had him in the first place. Anyway, I just hope that it was not noticeable to Joel that I couldn’t stand Amber.

This weekend, we decided to go to our favorite comedy club, Chuckles. Apparently Brian accidently forgot to invite Dustin. And when I use the term accidently, I use it very lightly. It wasn’t the nicest of moves to make, but nobody seemed to mind.

As Joel was driving himself, Stacy, and John to pick up Tiffany at her apartment, John sat in the back while Stacy rode in the front. Joel was flipping through the radio stations while driving when a song caught John’s attention. Joel let the song play for a few seconds before changing the station.

“Hey,” said John, “go back a station.”

“Why?” asked Joel, being intentionally difficult.

“Just do it,” protested John. “I like that song.”

Joel furrowed his brow as he changed the station back and looked at John in his rear-view mirror. “This song?” he asked, almost disgusted at the thought.

“Yeah.” answered John.

“Dude, you do realize that you just made me turn it back to a Miley Cyrus song, do you not?” asked Joel.

“So,” answered John. “I like this song.”

“There are so many things wrong with that, I do not know where to begin,” said Joel, shaking his head. “I guess I should start with the fact that you are a guy.”

“What’s wrong with a guy liking this song?” asked John.

“Everything!” exclaimed Joel. “No self-respecting man listens to Miley Cyrus.” He then turned the station.

“Come on!” yelled John.

“No,” said Joel. “I will not sit idly by and let you do that to yourself.”

“I like that song,” said Stacy.

“It is ok for you to like that song,” responded Joel. “You are a girl.”

“Fair enough,” answered Stacy.

“Yes!” said Joel loudly. “You insisted, but I told you that it would wear off on you.”

Stacy was puzzled as she looked at Joel and asked, “What?”

“You just said ‘fair enough,’” answered Joel.

“No I didn’t,” said Stacy, thinking about her previous comments.

“John?” asked Joel.

“Yeah,” said John, not looking up from his text message, “you said it.”

“No!” said Stacy, slapping her knee playfully. “I swore that would never happen.”

“It was only a matter of time,” said Joel, smiling while nodding his head.

When the trio arrived at Tiffany’s apartment complex, John exited the vehicle and entered Tiffany’s building. Joel and Stacy sat in his Charger, awaiting the arrival of John and Tiffany.

I am not sure what came over me when John left Joel and myself alone in the car while going up to get Tiffany, but I became so bold in that moment. What I said next was probably-no, it was definitely a mistake.

“So,” asked Stacy, “you really like this Amber girl?

“Well, I haven’t known her very long, but she seems like a really cool girl,” said Joel.

“You think so?” asked Stacy.

“Yeah,” answered Joel. “Why? Did you get another impression?”

“You want my honest opinion?” asked Stacy.

“Yes,” responded Joel.

“I think you could do better,” said Stacy.

“Thanks,” said Joel, “but the girls aren’t exactly lining up at my door.”

“You will find the right girl,” said Stacy. “Who knows, she could be right under your nose.”

Oh no! What am I doing? He is going to see through this for sure! I cannot believe that I just said that!

“Yeah I guess,” said Joel.

“Any girl would be lucky to be with you,” said Stacy.

Shut up! What is wrong with you!? Why can’t you just stop talking!?

“If you say so,” said Joel, with a sigh.

“I do say so,” responded Stacy

It was then that I realized what I was doing. I was building my way to a confession of my love. Then, in what I feel was on purpose, Joel changed the subject.

“I hope the comedians are good tonight,” said Joel.

I grimaced in frustration, but I quickly hid it so that Joel would not notice. “Yeah,” said Stacy softly. “They usually are though.”

There was an awkward silence for a few minutes after Stacy’s comment, but then John returned along with Tiffany. When the two got into Joel’s Charger, they looked at each other as if they were entering a hostile environment. Tiffany leaned up and put her hand gently on Stacy’s right shoulder.

“Is everything ok, Stacy?” asked Tiffany.

“Yeah,” responded Stacy, obviously dejected.

Simultaneously, John leaned up and said, “You okay up there?”

Joel snapped out of his deep thought. “Uh, yeah,” he said. “Yeah. I am good.”

“We need to get going then,” said Stacy. “We don’t want to keep Brian and Lauren waiting.”Joel nodded and started the car, put it in drive, and pulled away from the curve.

When the four of them had reached Chuckles, Joel circled the parking lot once before finding a spot. He pulled in and the four of them exited the vehicle.

Stacy and Tiffany walked ahead as John held Joel back.

“Ok,” said Tiffany. “What happened?”

“Well, uh,” started Stacy, before pausing to sigh. “I have feelings for Joel and I have been trying to tell him, but it just goes wrong every time.”

“Oh,” said Tiffany, not sure what to say.

“It’s ok,” replied Stacy. “I am going to just have to live with the fact that it just wasn’t meant to be I guess.”

“Why don’t you just tell him how you feel?” asked Tiffany.

“It isn’t that easy,” answered Stacy.

“Trust me,” said Tiffany, giving Stacy a distinct look. “You need to tell him.”

Wait, is she trying to tell me that... I think she is!

“Are you sure?” asked Stacy.

“Just tell him,” said Tiffany with a wink.

It was at that point that Stacy walked over to Joel in the middle of the Chuckles parking lot.

“Joel,” said Stacy, walking up to him, “I need to talk to you.”

“Okay,” said Joel, looking over at John, who nodded and walked away.

Stacy watched John walk away, then turned back to Joel. “There is something that I need to tell you,” she said.

“What is it, Stacy?” asked Joel.

I was so nervous. My stomach was in knots. I could barely summon the words to speak. But then I thought about how I had to pretend that I did not have feelings for Joel for so long. It was that thought that made me come out with it.

“I cannot do this anymore, Joel,” said Stacy. “I am tired of hiding behind false feelings.” She paused and looked down, but not long enough for Joel to get a word in. Stacy then raised her head and her eyes met Joel’s. “I love you, Joel.”

I cannot believe it! I told him! Then it hit me, I actually told him. I anxiously awaited his response, but it was not what I had expected or hoped for.

“So at Shenanigans you knew that when I said I love you, I meant as more than a friend?” asked Joel.

“Yes,” answered Stacy. “I am sorr-” Before she could get her apology out, Joel interrupted.

“Then why did you say you loved me only as a friend?” asked Joel, who at this point was growing angry. Before Stacy could answer, Joel continued. “You do not know the heartache that I have gone through since then, Stacy. If you knew what I meant, then why did you do that to me?”

“Maybe I was scared,” said Stacy.

And that was the honest truth. I was scared that night and I panicked. Then Joel started gritting his teeth and looking around like he always did when he got mad.

“But I am telling you now, Joel,” said Stacy. “Why are you angry?”

Joel finally looked back at Stacy. “You have no idea what that did to me. I was devastated!” he shouted. He quickly regained control of himself and continued. “I have been torturing myself for thinking that there was more between us than what really was.”

Stacy, obviously regretful, looked down at the ground. “I am sorry, Joel.”

She looked up and watched Joel walk over to the rest of the group, who by this point, were paying attention. He asked if Brian could take John, Tiffany, and Stacy home, then walked over to his car, got in, and left.

The tears started streaming down my face uncontrollably as I watch Joel speed away. I didn’t now what to do or think. I was numb.

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