Episode 10: Just Tell Him

What if you loved someone, but you could never tell them how you feel? What if that person was one of your best friends and you saw them everyday? What if you knew that no one else could make you feel the way that person makes you feel? How long do I have to suffer? These are the questions I ask myself everyday. My name is Stacy, and this is my story...

It was an ordinary weekday evening as I sat at work staring at the clock, waiting for it to hit five so I could finally go home. Well first, I would be going to Stratler’s Bar to hang out with my friends for a while. It had become our nightly ritual. I really look forward to it because I get to see Joel.

I know what you are thinking: boyfriend? Nope. Joel and I have been friends since grade school. He is my best friend and I am secretly in love with him. He has no clue though, which is fine because I do not think that he sees me in that light. Besides, I have a boyfriend, his name is Ron. To be completely honest, the flare in our relationship is gone and it is only a matter of time before it ends, but I feel comfortable around him. It is nice to have a sense of security. That is what’s important right?

Stacy sat in her chair at her desk, staring at the clock in agony, trying to will the hands to the five o’clock position. Finally, after what seemed like hours, the thirty minutes passed and she was free to leave. She gathered her things and rushed toward the elevator, where she entered along with several of her co-workers.

When the elevator reached the ground floor, the doors slid open to reveal Ron, who was waiting by the front doors of the building, holding a rose. When Stacy saw Ron, she smiled.

Just when I think the spark is gone from our relationship, he goes and does something sweet like this.

“Aww,” said Stacy, walking up and embracing Ron while still smiling, “how sweet!”

“Just thought I would surprise you,” said Ron. “I figured you would rather me take you home than ride in a smelly cab.”

“Well, you did surprise me,” responded Stacy, before kissing Ron. “And you are right, I would much rather have you take me home.”

“Let’s skip out on Stratler’s tonight,” said Ron. “I am not really in the mood to go there.”

“Not even for a little while?” asked Stacy.

Ron shook his head at the question, then saw the disappointment on Stacy’s face. He gave in, saying, “Well, if you really want to, then we can. It’s just that-“ Ron stopped himself, then hesitated before saying, “Never mind.”

“What is it?” asked Stacy, walking toward the door beside Ron, her arm interlocked with his.

“Well,” said Ron, “To be honest, I am not a big fan of those guys, especially Joel.”

“You know that Joel is my best friend, Ron,” said Stacy, pulling away from him. “Why would you say that?”

“They just rub me the wrong way, especially Joel,” explained Ron. “I just get the feeling that he doesn’t like me.”

“Have you ever put forth any effort?” asked Stacy, exiting the front doors, then turning and walking toward the parking deck beside her building.

“Well, no,” answered Ron.

“Then maybe you shouldn’t judge them until you give them a chance,” said Stacy sternly, as the two of them had reached Ron’s car.

“You are right,” said Ron. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok,” said Stacy, getting in Ron’s car. He followed her lead and the drove off, heading for Stacy’s apartment building.

I hate going to Stratler’s straight from work because I feel so grungy when I get off, so I always head back to my apartment to freshen up. I know what you are thinking and you are partially correct. Joel is one of the reasons why I want to freshen up.

After stopping at Stacy’s apartment long enough for her to change, her and Ron headed for Stratler’s. Upon reaching the small bar, Ron dropped Stacy off in front and found a parking spot not far down the street. Stacy entered Stratler’s and stopped just inside the door. Scanning the bar, Stacy found her friends, focusing on Joel.

Oh no, I’m starting to get nervous, but look at him. Can you blame me? He is so cute. I can’t help but melt when I look into those eyes. Joel is the one person who has always been there for me. We have been best friends since I can remember. If only he felt the same way about me. I wish that I could summon the courage to just tell him how I feel so that I could find out once and for all if he felt the same way.

Stacy smiled warmly and waved at Joel as she started toward him and the rest of her friends. Joel smiled awkwardly, although Stacy did not notice, and waved back. The closer Stacy got to the table, the more nervous she got. I need a drink to calm my nerves. Shortly thereafter, Ron entered behind her and followed her to the table.

“H-hey Stacy,” said Joel, stammering slightly as he stood to embrace Stacy. “How are you?”

“Good, but I will be better once I get a drink in my hand,” replied Stacy, not noticing Joel’s nervousness.

“I know the feeling,” replied Joel, turning his attention to Ron.

Stacy walked past Joel as he spoke to Ron and said hello to the rest of her friends, Jack, Brian, Lauren, and Dustin. After Ron said his hellos, the two of them joined their friends at their table.

For about an hour, we sat around having drinks and talking about our days at work. I was already tired, but I loved the times that we spent together at Stratler’s every night. Not many people can say that they see their best friends everyday. It is one of the things that sets our group apart.

Jack and Dustin had decided to go see a movie and had asked the rest of us to go, but before I could say no and ask Ron to take me home, his beeper went off. I should probably mention that he is an EMT and was on call the night.

“I need to go,” said Ron, standing from his seat. He leaned down and kissed Stacy. “See you later, babe.” Everyone said their goodbyes to Ron, then he left.

“We need to get going too if we are going to be on time for the movie,” said Jack, taking the final sip of his current beer.

“I’m going to have to pass,” said Stacy. “I’m not really in the mood for a movie tonight.”

“Yeah, me either,” said Joel.

Good. I will get Joel to walk me home.

“There’s a shocker,” said Dustin, rolling his eyes at Joel.

I wonder what Dustin meant by that.

Everyone who was going to the movie paid their tabs and left, leaving Stacy and Joel sitting at the table by themselves.

“Walk me home?” asked Stacy of Joel.

“Sure,” responded Joel with a smile.

The two of them finished their drinks, settled their tabs, then left the bar, walking away from downtown.

It was easier for me to open up to Joel than it was anyone else, even my own family. We had a great friendship which allowed us to talk about anything and everything. The more we talked on that night, the more I felt my feelings growing stronger. I have no idea what it was about this particular conversation because it was no different than any other one we had, but the feel of it was different. We seemed to click on this particular night; I felt more connected to him than I ever had before. It was when I realized this that I decided to just tell him how I felt.

As we came closer to my apartment building, I began to grow nervous. There was a weird feeling in the air that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. I started to get the feeling that he knew what I was about to do. I know, I know, I am still with Ron, but like I said previously, the flare is all but gone from our relationship. I have loved Joel pretty much since the day I first met him when we were kids. The time was just never right. However, the feeling of our conversation on this night set the mood perfectly.

When we got back to my apartment, I purposefully stopped at the bottom of the stairs leading up to my building’s front door.

“Thank you for walking me home,” said Stacy, embracing Joel.

“Anytime,” said Joel, unable to keep himself from smiling.

What a gorgeous smile. And look at those eyes; I can’t help but get lost in them.

“What is it?” asked Stacy.

“Nothing,” said Joel. “I am just lucky, that’s all.”

And there was my opening.

“Yeah,” agreed Stacy, “I know what you mean.” Then I panicked. What about our friendship? If I confess to him and he does not feel the same way then it will ruin our friendship. Not only that, but if he does feel the same way and we do date and break-up then that will definitely destroy what we have. Besides, Ron has been good to me. I cannot do that to him either. Before Joel could go any further Stacy quickly blurted out, “Not everyone can have a friendship like ours. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

Joel nodded as Stacy turned and walked up the stairs and entered the code into the keypad to unlock the door. She then opened the door and entered, stopping just inside. She looked back through the window and watched Joel walk away, wishing the circumstances could be different.